Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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