I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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