Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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