i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
