she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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