what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
