If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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