What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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