Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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