i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
