escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
