Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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