I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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