that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
