the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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