i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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