do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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