you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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