Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
