well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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