I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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