Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
being pregnant is like rehab
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
