Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
