you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
