So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
