the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
May the power of my ass compel you!!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
