Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
