He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
