dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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