he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
