i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I want to fling myself into the sun
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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