no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
