paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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