so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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