you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize