I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
