i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
