your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
