i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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