Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
