i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
