Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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