No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
