can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
there's paper in my vomit.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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