I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
