Cold hands, warm shart.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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