Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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