oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
