you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I need to calm my uterus...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize