I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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