Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
