Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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