I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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