I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Welp...herpes.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize