Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
