the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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