I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
