Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
