my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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