VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize