so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
