He uses pillows to masturbate.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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