If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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