Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He passed out mid-signature
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
