Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
