She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
