if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize