you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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