Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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