It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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