my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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