Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
