if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't deserve a penis
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
